Women like what they hear while men like what they see, it that true?
08.06.2025 06:13
When a woman is young and beautiful, I can see these decisions seeming like a completely rational choices, based on what she knows at that stage of life. Many (not all) of these young women don’t particularly care about anything intrinsic a guy might offer, either intellectually or physically. Attractiveness in men, to a young woman, is often only of middling importance, particularly when the reality is that many young men are still not really that attractive, compared to the beauty of women, and most are idiots intellectually and emotionally. Of course, the bulk of people, men and women, are not particularly intellectual, so to many people, a deep thinker just seems like a lot of work - so that certainly isn’t a draw to (most) women.
So, it isn’t what women “hear” that matters. The absence of any specific internal compulsions (which for men is often female beauty), young women just have lots of options to choose from and much less of an internal governor to compel them to move in any particular decision. This makes women highly unpredictable compared to men. Guys are always trying to figure out what women want - but women don’t want one particular thing like men do. They are constantly weighing their options, and a young woman, who is more attractive in youth than she will likely be at at any other stage of life, does not yet have enough life experience to know what to base those decisions upon. They are still learning about life and there are no books out there to suggest what they might be experiencing and what they should consider.
But as a general rule, I would say both adolescent boys and men are dazzled by attractiveness. Maybe with enough time this changes for some guys. Personally, I subscribe to a philosophy embodied by many of the male lead characters in Murakami’s novels, which is - I don’t generally want to be with a beautiful woman - for lots of reasons. I would rather be with someone moderately attractive, fit, and interesting, but that doesn’t mean I won't get dazzled like everyone else; I just don’t act on it.
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I had a male roommate when I was living in Laguna Beach who was dating a beautiful woman, and we were talking about how men are too often made into idiots by female attractiveness. He had a funny comment that I have always remembered. He said, I always keep in mind that no matter the attractiveness of a woman I am dating, there is always some ex-boyfriend who was with her who will tell you - “I can’t stand that bitch.” Point being, when you get past the superficial beauty, everyone has issues.
Young men are dazzled by attractiveness; older men too, but less so.
Here’s a question for the middle-aged women who were stunning when you were younger? Is your decision-making about men different now than it was at 16, 17, 18, 19….and does part of that relate to the experience you have acquired in the interim?
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However, a funny guy keeps them laughing, and that is better than being sad or depressed. An outgoing gregarious guy often brings the party wherever he goes, which provides a different kind of entertainment and distraction than the comedian guy. A rich guy surrounds young women with nice things to look at and an ease of life.
On the other hand, I could be wrong about all of this.
Now, I know I have wholly discounted emotion in this discussion. I mean, don’t we all fall in love, and that becomes a compelling thing too? Here, I will point out a line from Pride & Prejudice. Remember the main character, Elizabeth, who ends up with Darcy? What does she tell her sister, Jane, about the certainty of her love for Darcy? She tells her she knew she was in love when she saw his mansion…. (This isn’t an attack on women, btw. Men often know they are in love when the sex is amazing, and is that really any less superficial than the size of a man’s bank account?)
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How men react to these experiences over time varies a great deal. Some men will come to resent women for the internal feelings of weakness this attractiveness creates in them, particularly if they never have any success with attractive women. Some guys just continue to be puppy dogs to female attractiveness for their entire lives. Some guys just quietly recede from women, maybe still dazzled but aware of the weakness, avoiding most women entirely so as not to be played by it.
Most men are definitely dazzled by physical attractiveness. This is unquestionably true. I can see still see this instantly when it happens and it always saddens me a bit. A guy can go from being normal, interesting, and funny in one instant, to suddenly turning back into a 14 year old boy hoping to get his first feel of a breast. We are the pathetic sex. Stronger perhaps, but largely pathetic.
As women gain experience in life, having learned from their mistakes in youth, and with their sex drive spiking, they tend to become more predictable in middle-age - but still much less so than men. Women are slightly more focused on attractiveness as they get older, and their focus moves from older men (when they were younger) to younger men as they get older. Ironically, younger men will now be finding them less attractive, but generally easier to have sex with than younger women, leading to another set of lessons a woman must navigate.
As the Eagles said, “City girls just seem to find out early, how to open doors with just a smile. A rich old man and she won’t have to worry; she’ll dress up all in lace and go in style…”
With all that said, in my view, this entire process is presently undergoing some rapid changes, such that some of what I am saying may no longer be applicable to young women.
Young women are mostly unpredictable, and more likely to seek out guys that give them something tangible in exchange for being with them. (But this may be changing with younger women understanding their bodies much better.) Of course, the more intellectually focused a young woman is, the more likely she will seek out intellectual guys who meet those needs, but generally neither men nor women are intellectually focused, so it is going to be other things young women care about, and sometimes this relates to what they can tangibly receive in exchange for being with a boy/man.
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Generally, men can be made stupid by an attractive face or a moderately attractive woman with an amazing body. They will give up their money and their freedom of choice in life to be with some women whom they find physically attractive. For many guys, it takes quite a long time and experience for this effect to be overcome, if it happens at all. I know guys in their 60’s and 70’s who are still just as silly as a teenage boys when an attractive woman is near, and still just as baffled by women as when they were teens.
Second, when women hit their mid-to-late thirties, possibly early forties, their sex drive does spike and they become a bit more like adolescent boys, but with more wisdom of life than adolescent boys and already a lot of experience with men and sexuality. At this point, women likely have an increase in focus on attractiveness, but because a middle-aged woman is wiser than a teenage boy, it manifests differently. Overall, however, there is slightly more predictability in the behavior of middle-aged women than their younger versions of themselves.
For many (not all) women, it appears that the underlying impetus for their decisions with men are not compelled by much of anything internal. And by internal, I mean drive-related things, not to rationality or considered decision-making. This is where men make many mistakes about women; we tend to assume they are like us, when they are really are not. Imagine if you rarely experienced any hunger or related internal cravings, and you could choose to eat, or not, without any strong impetus in any particular direction. Add to this the notion that you are not repulsed by all that many foods; you can kind of eat whatever when you do decide to eat something. In these circumstances, what would guide your food choices?
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First, with the proliferation of porn access, adolescent girls and young women (and, of course, young men) are exploring their sexuality at a younger age, likely discovering, on their own, how to obtain orgasms. This didn’t used to be the case. Many women didn’t have orgasms at all when they were younger. (Remember the fake orgasm episode in Seinfeld, where Elaine says…”I just didn’t have them back then….” This used to be pretty common. Even my ex hadn’t had an orgasm when she and I met, though she thought she was having them because she still enjoyed sex without the orgasms.)
Now, while in this state, imagine some people offered you different things in return for you to eat their particular food? “I’ll give you a car, a nice house on the beach, an ocean view, lots of attention….” - all in exchange for your decision to eat their food.
The second part of this query, however, I do not agree with at all. I don’t think women like what they hear, or that what they hear controls their decisions making, insofar as men are concerned. While men are very consistent (and often pathetic) in their decision-making concerning women, women are just all over the place.
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So, let’s summarize.
Orgasms can be a game changer. First, it likely increases testosterone production in women, which makes women more drive-oriented in the same way men are more drive-oriented. Plus, once your ability to impart that level of pleasure is at your fingertips, so to speak, then this becomes an element of your decision making based solely on conscious desire (in the absence of drives) because it is kind of like the sexual version of having cake when you are not hungry. Regardless of whether or not you are driven to do it, why not do it? This probably causes young women to be more like young men, with more focus on sex and attractiveness, which will tend to make them somewhat more predictable. (However, it might make them more like gay men, than straight men, because of the ease with which a young woman can obtain sex whenever she wants it.)
Now, you are consciously aware that you kind of need to eat something. I mean if you go forever without food, you will eventually start to feel some mild hunger pangs. So why not eat what will get you something valuable in return, something that seemingly will make life easier? (Btw, if you happen to be male, ask yourself if someone was just going to give you stuff for doing something you would eventually do anyway, whether or not you would do it? - Spoiler - You probably would.)